Friday, September 19, 2008

What It Brings Back

I have mentioned in the past that songs recently have brought a flood of memories and emotions back. I was listening to this song when it hit me. I sang this song in choir for middle school. I started middle school after spring break in March of 1998. I had been homeschooled up until that point. I attended for the last two months of 8th grade before getting the full overwhelming hugeness of Topeka High...Somehow I graduated from Jardine middle school with A's and B's.

Anyways "Killing me Softly" by the Fugees was the only song we sang that I remember. I had never heard it before but all the other kids seemed to know it. After they mentioned listening to "105.9" back before it changed, I went home and listened wondering if it would make me cool. I didn't talk much (that I can remember) but I wanted to be cool.

At the choir concert at the end of the semester a girl who intimidated me because she was so out spoken and loud, complimented me on my blue dress with little white flowers saying "I like your brings out your eyes".

I was 14. I felt old but my birthday fell just days after the cut off date (September 1st I think).

It reminds me of having one pair of pants - Jean overalls. I wore those overalls as overalls AND pants. I wore them as pants by wearing them under my shirt day. As far as I was concerned, no one could tell (even though the buckles showed through the shirt, I am sure).

It reminds me of candy scented sprays and doing my hair in the morning before school. I was cutting my own hair at that time and was obsessed with my bubble bangs.

It reminds me of walking to Kwik Shop up the street for whatever we could buy with the change from Dad's jar. Playing outside in the rain and mud, then running through house with my siblings and frantically cleaning the mud off the walls and carpet before he got home.

It reminds me when we made dinner before Dad got home from work (one time). We walked up to Kwik Shop to get ingredients for brownies. I think we made mashed potatoes, green beans, chicken and brownies? I was so afraid of the gas stove since Dad had told me it would blow up my lighter (the long kind) if I held it over the gas for too long.

It reminds me of hanging out with a neighbor girl named Nicole. She was a grade below me but we were good friends.

It reminds me of meeting kind people who seemed like they could be my friends. I appreciated their kindness but wonder what they thought of me because I just didn't talk much at school.

It reminds me of walking in the rain to the bus stop the first day of school. Rachel was carrying a purse and her backpack. I don't think she actually had anything in that purse, she just wanted to carry it.

It reminds me of a girl named Daniel sitting behind Rachel and I on the bus and pulling thin pieces of hair so it would hurt a tiny bit. Then rotating through acting like she didn't do it and laughing in our faces. We just sat there.

I guess you could say that "Killing Me Softly" is my theme song for those two months. Not that I was dying slowly or anything dramatic like that - it was just a song that I enjoy singing and brings back memories of my whole middle school experience.